Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
