you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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