I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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