She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize