nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
should my penis look like a turkey
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
