Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
