So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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