Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's blow job season.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
