life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
