So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
