Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
