This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
