So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
