'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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