I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
