i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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