you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize