I showed him my bush... on skype.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
