I think I died a long time ago.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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