Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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