It's Friday. Sex?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
