Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
