i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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