Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
