So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
