You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
