I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
