When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
