First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
