I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize