Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
