I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
