I need help removing her.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
