I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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