there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
