Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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