My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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