the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
