Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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