Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
