I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
