yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
