at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
