My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
