I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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