Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
