All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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