We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
