He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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