Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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