Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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