Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my shit smells like andre
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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