Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
