I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
