I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Randomize
