Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
