If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
