worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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