I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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