it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How naked do you want me to be?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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