More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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