i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
