Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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