i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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