did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
