Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
