i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
