I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
