I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
