is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
